Dear future husband,

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But we cannot sit and stare at our wounds forever

Haruki Murakami


 

Dear future husband,

Let me start this open letter by hoping you are well wherever you are.

I hope you have already had your breakfast or dinner (depending on which continent you are) and that you are about to have a good day, in the spirit of carpe diem and all that, or you have had a fantastic one already building a solid future for us and our unborn children.

Speaking of children, I hope they will be twins, a boy and girl, so we can name them Will & Grace or Mike & Molly like the sitcom characters of said shows. I want a big family, so the kids can take care of us when we are old and drooly and my dimples are sunken and my ass has shrunk.

I know how frustrating it is that we have not met each other yet.

Trust me I know.

I am tired of being asked why am single and not searching, why I have no babies as yet, why I appear to have given up on love.

I want to reassure you that I am not tired of waiting on the Lord.

Jeremiah 29:11 keeps me going and I hope it also affirms your wait.

I long to tell you about my day, and to call you 72 times a day just to remind you how blessed I am to have you in my life.  I too sometimes look at the other side of my big bed, imagine you lying on the pillow and wonder how it will be when I cannot stop reading my books at night (I say books because I always read two or three at a go) I hope you won’t find that weird.

Not the me reading 2 books at a go weird, because I won’t change that, but the – me reading in bed and the ‘dim’ bedside lamp light is hurting your eyes- and you are cussing at me because you had a long day and have an early morning and am insisting on finishing just one more chapter- weird.

Since we are talking of weird already, I love cake. Moist white forest or passion cake. I will buy lots of cake for no reason – I am yet to learn how to bake – but am sure by the time we meet Martha Stewart will have nothing on me. I will need you to literally keep cake under lock and key in the fridge, this is the one thing that I will need to be saved from.

Ok, that and buying heels. Same pair in at least two colors.

I will need you to understand that its not about the multi colored shoes lying in my shoes closet, its about endless possibilities. Its about women conquering the world in the right pair of shoes.

I sincerely hope that you are widely read and you love books, so we can not only be reading to the kids my favourite stories as a child – Puss in boots, Jack and the beanstalk, The secret garden and The wizard of Oz  – but also so we can have stimulating mental conversations on who is a better poet between 1992 born Rupi Kaur and 1928 born Maya Angelou.

I long to discuss with you the set books and riwayas of my time.

Those that I studied for my KCSE.

The Swahili written aliens and spaceship book ‘Walenisi’ that cost me not getting an A in Swa ‘Kiu’, ‘Kitumbua kimeingia mchanga’ by Katama Mkangi and Ken Walibora, ‘A man of the people’, ‘Aminata’ the brave girl child who was forbidden to eat chicken gizzards because of foolish backward chauvinistic traditions; books that did see me get an A in English, expose me to the falls of society, language nuances and fall in love with African lit.

In that order.

Books aside, on some days I will have a romanticized idea of love, being the hopeless romantic that I am, I hope we can start some silly traditions like me getting you a soppy card  every single year to commemorate the anniversary of the day we meet. I am a simple ‘grand’ gestures kind of woman so you should know that no matter how sad or upset I am with you or at the world, just a caffe latte or a macchiato delivered to me in the office will always lift my spirits.

I promise to love and respect you as your wife and to always fight fair.

Even on the days when you make me so mad and I feel like I want to smother you with a pillow in your sleep, or scrub the toilet bowl with your toothbrush.

Especially on those days.

Have I mentioned that I cannot wait to introduce you to my family? 

Disclaimer!!

We are crazier than the Adams family but love each other fiercely and wholly.

I cannot wait for you to get to know all my cousins who really are my brothers and sisters and I hope that amidst all the craziness, jokes and laughs, they will all be there for you and yours in good times and in bad because that’s just who we are.

I cannot wait to stick the pictures of our babies experiencing their firsts on our fridge. First steps. First dance or piano recitals, First sleepover at grandma’s. First crawl. First driving lesson. First day of school. All those firsts.

Additionally, I will bore you with stories of all the silly boys I dated before you when I was young and did not know better. The disrespectful and downright rude ones, the bad kissers, the sloppy ones, the boring ones who only spoke of their rich fathers and their fast cars, the too busy for me ones,  the ones who simply fell in love with my flowers and not my roots and when autumn arrived they did not know what to do, the ones with stalker tendencies, the over bearing ones who did not leave me room to be myself, the ones with philandering ways, I will not tire to tell you how my soul resonated with only yours and when I knew, I really knew.

Ex’s aside, I love the Lord with all my heart and meditate on his word often, simply because he constantly reminds me of his love and faithful ways. I look forward to loving him more with you and for you.

I hope we can teach our unborn children the power of giving, the way to seek God’s favour and his heart, I hope you will lead me every single evening and them on our knees to pray not just for ourselves but for all we come across. I sincerely hope you will be the high priest of our family.

I promise you that our life together will involve chasing God’s heart and favour, and honoring him. These are not just empty words. I pray that you are embarking on kingdom furthering adventures, just as I am in my own little way.

As I wind up this loooong letter, I keep hearing that food, among other things, is the way to a man’s stomach.

I hope you love breakfast food as I do, because on weekends we will dine like kings and listen to Kwaito and Neo-Soul.

Saturdays will be for eggs, sausages, bacon and french toast.

Sundays will be for ham, pancakes and cereal, complete with guacamole (which is a fancy word for avocado and tomatoes) on both days.  

Granted, there are days when I will feel lazy to cook, and all I will want is cereal and cold milk for dinner, I hope that even on those days, you will love me still and work up some pork ribs or ugali and mala for us or one minute noodles and avocado.

I hope you come to love my obsession with avocado.

Another obsession of mine is art and makeup.

But let’s talk of art first. Pieces of art in galleries and in Nairobi’s back streets. I long for us to have unconventional dates in galleries and in go-downs and in museums and our very own Kenya National Archives. I cannot wait to show you the pieces of art belonging to our past Kenyan vice presidents  housed at the Archives. I hope you get to fall in love with me even more as you watch me paint landscapes and portraits and abstracts and with every stroke of my paint brush, you will understand me more as a creative.  

On to makeup now, I promise to try and get my hair and makeup done in under 20 minutes. Only on the days that I do not highlight or contour my cheekbones and nose bridge. Whilst I will spend time on perfecting my eyebrows – I refuse to have ‘Nike’ or ‘Banana’ shaped eyebrows – I will however spare you the agony of makeup shopping with me and ‘cramming’ the names of the 2 in 1 creme to powder foundations and Maybelline lipsticks that I love, and learning which makeup brush does what. I will not expect you to learn why Sleek is different from M.A.C. What will surprise you about me is that much as I love makeup, I am not fickle enough to be all about exterior looks. I have depth. One of my favorite scriptures is actually Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

As I pen off to dash to work,

I want to let you know that I am about to pray for you this morning as I always do, and also for myself, that in this season of waiting that God guards both of our minds and our hearts, that both of our characters may be refined by all of our life experiences that we may love each other respectfully and maturely when we finally meet – that we may grow into our roles responsibly, mine as your submissive wife and you as the head of our home.   

 

Love,

your avocado obsessed,

book loving,

ride or die,

future wife,

best friend and life partner to be,

Penny.